Postpartum :Breastfeeding Struggles
So with my first child, who is now 4 (almost 5), I was extremely hard on myself when it came to breastfeeding. I wanted it so bad and every set back led me closer and closer to feelings of failure and depression. We dealt with a tongue tie, an improper latch, low supply and thrush! If that isn't the worst nightmare ever, I don't know what is. But some how, we made it through it all and I was able to successfully breastfeed her for 8 months. I was extremely proud of myself for this. No, I didn't go to my 1 year goal but I was proud of myself for sticking it out during what seemed like some of the hardest weeks of my parenting life.
Fast forward to now and I have a 2 month old baby boy. I told myself this entire pregnancy that I was going to breastfeed him for a whole year. I thought to myself, "there is absolutely no way I will struggle like I did with my daughter because that simply just cannot happen to a person twice." I did caution my boyfriend to mindful of me stressing over breastfeeding and to watch for depression and to try and keep me from beating myself up over it...you know, just as a precaution. I explained how rough it was the first go around and he agreed to keep an eye on me and not let me tear myself down. I was very thankful to have set us up for what would later be some hard earned success.
If there is one thing I have learned from breastfeeding two babies with two completely different partners, it is that you must have a strong support system because although its natural and their are some freaks of nature out there that have absolutely no issues, the honest truth is that many women suffer with trying to breastfeed and some give up and some push through. It's extremely difficult! I know some of you are shrugging and saying "no way! It's no big deal!" But for the other half of us that have to actually work hard and try...this is for them.
Let's start with what we already know:
1. It hurts the first few weeks. Getting through those first few weeks is crucial. Either you can tolerate the pain or you can't. It doesn't make you a wuss if you can't take it. Every baby has a different latch and a different force behind how hard they suckle. Every woman has a different pain threshold. So think twice before you judge a woman that says it's too painful. You have no idea how sensitive her nips are or how hard her baby is sucking at them.
2. There is a lot of pressure for babies to gain weight after birth. This alone stresses any new parent out. You have the pediatrician telling you that you aren't doing something right because your baby is losing weight or simply not gaining weight. It's frustrating and this is the first hit where every mom starts to doubt herself. Why isn't baby gaining? In my case, my milk simply hadn't come in yet. It was my second kid and I couldn't for the life of me understand why it took 7 days for my milk to come in. But it did! Hey that's just biology. So if you are googling the "standard" don't hold yourself to it. You may not be a standard mama! You may be just a bit extraordinary.
3. You are exhausted!!! Dad isn't feeding baby in those first few weeks because he has useless boobs! So there is your pick me up! Yours are far from useless! They are sustaining life for your new precious bundle of joy. Exhaustion leads to lack of motivation and it also triggers depression. So when you get super sleepy with a cluster feeding baby you start to talk negatively to yourself about how you can't seem to get your baby to sleep and your unable to bathe yourself because you have no free time. Remind yourself that this is short lived and will be over before you know it. Just hunker down with some healthy snacks and water and some good TV shows and survive! Most baby will start sleeping longer stretches by 6-8 weeks. My daughter was sleeping through the night at 6 weeks and it took my son to 8 weeks before he started consistently sleeping through the night.
4. Cluster feeding is hell...and newborns go through it a lot!!! I literally had a two day stint where my son would go from one side to the next and I could only sit there and just feed him. I got really good at multitasking with a kid stuck to me but it didn't make life anymore glamorous that's for sure. I wouldn't go out in public because I thought people would think I was strange for having my baby stuck to my boob the entire time. No thank you. The only thing that gave me hope during cluster feeding is that it was very short lived. Usually only lasted about 48 hours then all would go back to normal until the next round hit. Newborns do this a lot in the 4th trimester (first 3 months after birth) to help them grow and develop and to help mom make the appropriate amount of milk for them.
Now to add insult to injury, lets throw in some hiccups and obstacles that many women experience.
1. Low supply: I had it with my first...but not this time. All you hear are people telling you to just give up and give your baby formula. You feel like a horrible person for giving up on your baby and what most people don't understand is that supplementing with formula further damages your supply. So you hear the comments like, "A fed baby is a healthy baby whether its formula or breast milk." These people don't understand that it isn't like you think formula is poison, you just don't want to tank the small supply you already have. When your trying to build up your supply the best thing you can do is nurse nurse nurse as much as possible...and something called power pumping helps too. If you start supplementing with formula you end up taking the place of a feeding with formula and that signal never gets to your body to say "Hey! make milk in this amount at this time for your baby!"
2. Ties: My daughter had a lip tie that wasn't fixed until she was 6 weeks old. That caused my nips to literally bleed after every feeding and she wouldn't nurse with a shield so I just had to grit my teeth and deal with it. Totally sucked but I did it. This time around my little man had a tongue tie and a lip tie. I was reminded very quickly of how horrible that pain was. I self diagnosed it at 4 days old and showed his pediatrician and she referred us to get it corrected that day. within a week we were smooth sailing. I was happy I caught it much earlier this time because man it was bad the first go around. I did end up having to use a shield on one side though due to the damage already caused in just four days. If you have every had cracked and bleeding nipples you know that pain is like no other and you literally dread feeding your baby. Make sure you get some good APNO (all purpose nipple ointment) like this one, Mother's Love APNO (Certified Organic) to get you through! Makes all the difference in the world trust me!
Also, a small note on ties: there are not a lot of pediatricians that will diagnose a tongue tie. This usually must be done by a lactation consultant and they will typically refer you to an ENT (ear nose and throat doctor) or a pediatric dentist. We used a pediatric dentist and they used something called a cold laser with my son. My daughter was seen by an ENT and got hers clipped. The difference in the two is with the clipped tongue tie, they must do exercises and stretches to keep it from growing back. With the cold laser, it's pain free, doesn't bleed, happens just as quick and there are no required exercises or stretches. Our whole appointment both times took about 25 minutes. I would recommend either. The dentist is a little quicker to get into though. Most ENT's have a long waiting list and when it comes to your nips bleeding and hurting and baby gaining weight appropriately you want to be seen as soon as possible. I highly recommend getting into a pediatric dentist if you can afford it.
3. Thrush! My daughter had it and we tried all medications before finally using some messy stuff called gentian violet that ended up working within a few days! However, it looked like she ate a smurf village for a good week. Her mouth and cheeks were stained blueish purple. But hey it worked. I ended up getting it this time around too and man is it painful. It wasn't affecting the baby that much so I wasn't concerned until one day he stopped latching and I figured it was because his little mouth was sore. Then shortly after I showed his pediatrician and got a dose of nystatin for him, I started seeing symptoms in myself to include burning nipples and shooting deep breast pain. If you have ever felt it you know what I'm talking about. Not fun. It hurts a lot. So we are both now on diflucan which I'm hoping will work but if and when it doesn't we have the trusty old gentian violet to try! I'll have another smurf baby for a while but at least it works. There are also tons of other remedies out there like vinegar, hydro-cortisone cream and many more but they were just too much hassle for me. I'm a busy mama!
4. One other thing you can get with breastfeeding is a clogged milk duct. I had one with my daughter. OUCH!!! The best thing to do is nurse through it. It hurts so make sure you have a stress ball to squeeze while baby nurses. This happens when you find yourself getting engorged repeatedly from not expressing breast milk often enough. So stay on top of that if you don't want to end up with one of these...however, if you do, I found cold compresses to relieve the pain and I would hoover over the baby and nurse so that the gravity and suckling were both working to my benefit. It's a little awkward but it works.
5. Another hiccup could include mastitis which is an infection in the breast. I didn't get it with either kiddo thank God, however, I have been told its extremely painful. Your breast will feel feverish and then you will get a fever and flu like symptoms. If you experience any of those you should consult your doctor because you will likely need antibiotics.
As you can see there are a lot of things that make breastfeeding both scary and difficult. I know I'm not the only unlucky soul to suffer through more than one of these with each kid. I know many women who go through the ringer with breastfeeding. If you find yourself on that list, chin up! Know there are tons of us suffering along side you too. You can still successfully breastfeed after any of these obstacles, even if you get cursed with every single one of them. Don't let them discourage you or bring you down. Yes, they suck while you're going through it but when it's over its another badge to add to your journey. Another reason to be proud you didn't give up. And, if you did give up, don't feel bad because all of the above mentioned things are extremely painful and difficult. Couple that with postpartum hormones and its no wonder postpartum depression is so prevalent!
Remember, no to babies are the same and going through it once doesn't mean it will be easier a second time. Roll with the punches and when you're ready to waive the white flag and surrender know that you gave it your all and you were brave enough to give it a valid effort! You go girl! If you are sticking it out...find yourself a support group soon or a close friend that has GOOD advice! Make sure the people around you daily support your goals. Lastly, do yourself a favor a celebrate the small victories! You owe that to yourself!
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